i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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