he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
