oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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