On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the day after is always just damage control
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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