So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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