Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
