my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
