do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
