If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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