We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
