so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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