So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
