I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
