i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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