I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I want a musical about memes.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
