Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
