uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
