Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
