just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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