Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.