Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again