sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
worst night to have a conscience
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!