see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.