god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"