I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.