Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
