so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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