those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
25 ‘Manly’ Things Guys Do That Are Actually Really Annoying
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
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