The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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