Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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