I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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