remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
