belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Green mimosas i think yes
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
