You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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