Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
