At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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