Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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