help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
