when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
