You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
