My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
