Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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