so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
