I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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