Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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