i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
