All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
