I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
