so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
