Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
