we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
