Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
