he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
we're so committed to being not committed
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
