I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
