i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I could fuck to npr.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
