after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
