mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't deserve a penis
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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