so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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