We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
