She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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