Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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