i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
