At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
