we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
