Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I could fuck to npr.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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