Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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