He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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