You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
