I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
