remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
