farters have to be the big spoon...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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