Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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