i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
