May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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