For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
