i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
