dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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