Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
