i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
