her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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