My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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